Nightmares and Epiphanies
by lkuecrar
Summary: After nightmares begin to plague Rin on her eighteenth birthday, she begins to loose sleep. She accidentally falls asleep outside in the frigid night air, and becomes extremely sick. Sesshomaru doesn't know how to handle the new feelings he has when he sees Rin deathly ill. Will Rin survive? Will Sesshomaru sort out these new emotions? Sesshomaru x (Teen)Rin


AN: I wrote another one. Lawd Jesus, help me. I can't seem to do anything but fanfiction lately! Thanks for reading, and please _**REVIEW!**_ Sorry if this one seems too long. It's the longest one-shot I've ever written. Even compared to any chapters of my longer stories, it's longer than any chapter I've ever written. Enjoy!

P.S. I just went back through this fic, after receiving a review that said it was hard to tell who was speaking at times. For some reason, the page breaks deleted themselves, and I didn't know it! I'm sorry about that! I went back through and added the page breaks, and a fixed a few errors!

* * *

_The snarls of ravenous wolves, feasting on the flesh of a little girl, rang throughout the clearing. The girl let out pain-filled shrieks into the night air, hoping for death. Finally, the screams stopped._

* * *

I shot up from my futon, and realized that I was back in my room in Lord Sesshomaru's palace. I heaved out a heavy sigh and wiped the tears away from my face. _Why am I having these nightmares again?_

As a child, I had a recurring nightmare of my first death. Lord Sesshomaru would comfort me as much as his pride could handle, then I would fall back into a dreamless slumber. The nightmares began to recede as I aged, or so I had thought. On my eighteenth birthday, the nightmares came back in full force. This time, though, they happened every night, multiple times. I had become zombie-like during the day. _I'm sure he is beginning to suspect something is wrong with me._

When I would join Lord Sesshomaru for breakfast some mornings, he would stare at me. After being with the demon lord for ten years, you begin to notice some things, including when he is staring at me. I can tell that he has been debating on bringing it up, so I have started avoiding him. It may be stupid and petty, but it will be easier to avoid any unwanted questions this way. I had even begun enlisting the servants in my mission to avoid him. At every minute of the day, I knew exactly where to NOT be.

At first, I tried to find the cause of the nightmares. Now, I just tried to not pass out from exhaustion as the days dragged on.

_Some fresh air should do me some good._ I rose from futon quietly and slipped into a heavier kimono to keep me warm. The dark blue kimono blended into the shadows well. _At least I'll be hidden from the servants._ I walked quickly and silently through the dark halls of the palace. I had to hide in the shadows from a servant once. _Lord Sesshomaru wouldn't be very happy if I was caught wandering around during the middle of the night._

I headed out to the garden in the center courtyard of the palace. The garden had quickly become my favorite place when I first arrived here. There was a large cherry tree on an island in the center of a small pond. The island was connected to the rest of the courtyard via a small bridge. As I walked across the bridge, I looked at my reflection, and smiled as the curious koi fish disturbed my reflection. The fish lazily swam back and forth. I smiled as I remembered my fascination with them as a child. I slowly made my way to the beautiful tree and sat under its low hanging branches.

My exhaustion caught up with me as I lazed under the beautiful tree. I slowly slipped into a restless sleep, despite the cold air biting at my exhausted form.

* * *

An imperceptible sigh escaped my lips as I stared at the frost-covered scenery of the Western Lands. _Winter has finally arrived. _I immediately turned my back on the sparkling lands and headed back into the front gates of the palace. As I turned to head to the dining room, I heard a quick slapping of shoes on the marble floor behind me. I let out another sigh. _Jaken._

I turned, expecting to see Jaken's reverent stare, but was met with the green imp's nervous shuffling. _What is he doing?_

I became agitated with his lack of words. "What is it?" My eyes narrowed as the imp loudly gulped.

Finally he looked up at me, and began to quake. The imp fell to his knees. "W-w-we c-can't f-find R-Rin, m-m-milord!"

My eyes widened, and my heart stopped beating. _What?_ In a deadly and quiet tone, I began to interrogate the imp. "What do you mean you can't find Rin?"

If the imp wasn't terrified before, he was now. "T-The s-servant Yuna w-went to w-wake t-the g-g-girl up a-and found a m-messy b-bed, but no R-Rin!"

Without another word, I began to stalk towards Rin's bedchambers. _If my incompetent staff can't find her, this Sesshomaru will._ Before I even arrived to her chambers, I could smell her scent leading away from her rooms. My eyes narrowed as they headed deeper into the palace. Finally, I realized that she must've headed to the gardens. _What she finds so interesting about the place, I will never understand. _I walked down the winding corridors that lead to the garden as quickly as I could.

As I entered the frozen garden, I could smell Rin's scent becoming stronger and stronger. I froze as I saw blue underneath the tree. I jumped to the island and hoped that I was only imagining what I saw. Lying underneath the low hanging branches was Rin, cold as ice. Her lips were blue, and her face had lost all color, accentuating the dark bags underneath her eyes. For the first time in years, I felt panic grip my heart.

I snatched Rin up and almost recoiled at the cold emanating from the usually warm woman. I ran as fast as I could through the hallways, and heard the servants' gasps as they caught sight of the lifeless girl in my arms. I took her straight to her bedchambers, and met her personal servant, Yuna. I heard the cat demon's shocked gasp, but it didn't take long for her to take control of the situation.

Yuna swiped auburn hair out of her eyes as she busied herself with getting more blankets. "Lay her on the bed, Milord. I'm going to get as many blankets and quilts as I can find and pile them on her. I'll send for someone to have some hot water brought up."

I nodded and laid her down on the messy bed and sat beside the woman. Before I stood up to leave, I noticed that Rin's eyes were moving quickly back and forth under her eyelids. I leaned closer to her face, trying to get a better look at the quick movements. _What is she doing?_

Out of nowhere, Rin let out a piercing scream and tears began to flow from underneath her closed eyelids. I recoiled in shock as Rin's arms began swinging at anyone that got near her. Her fist made contact with my cheek. _If I were a human, that punch would've bruised. _I noticed Yuna standing to the side gaping at the fighting woman. I turned my attention to her. "Go find some blankets."

I watched her nod and scurry out of the room, before turning my attention back to the flailing girl. _I need to wake her up._ Deciding that I would have to restrain her, I gripped both of her arms and listened as her whimpers turned into full-blown cries. My heart began to constrict at the pain-filled sounds. "Rin. Wake up."

When that didn't work, I became worried. Usually, at the sound of my voice, Rin would instantly awaken from any nightmare. I continued to try to wake her, until Yuna came back, arms loaded with blankets.

* * *

In an unusually gruff voice, I heard Lord Sesshomaru call to the girl. "Rin. Dammit, wake up!" I jumped as he began to growl when she just continued crying and thrashing around.

I approached the bed quickly, before putting a hand on Rin's cheek. "Milord, we need to warm her up. Quickly. Maybe she'll wake up then."

He nodded, and made no move to rise from the bed. _Why am I not surprised?_ Finally, after piling seven thick and heavy quilts around the girl so tightly that she couldn't even move her arms, I moved away from the dog demon and the human to stand near the entryway. _Maybe this will make him realize how important she is to him._

Yuna had been with Rin the moment she arrived in the palace, and had learned to love the fiery little girl like a sister. She had watched Rin's hero-worship for Lord Sesshomaru gradually evolve into something much more intimate as the young human aged. Sadly, the demon lord kept up his cold aloofness. _I'm not an idiot, though_. She had noticed her lord's usually icy amber eyes turn to warm honey while he gazed at Rin. Yuna had never known the demon lord, in all of her years as a servant to him, to be so gentle with anyone, much less a human. With a small smile, Yuna exited the room.

* * *

I had been sitting by Rin's side all day, waiting for her to wake up. Listening to her cries had been torture, and they had continued all day. All I could do was stare at the girl and will for her to wake up.

I brought the reports that I was supposed to go over today into Rin's room when I realized that I wouldn't be leaving her until she woke up. I finally gave up on working when I realized that I stopped to look up at her every few seconds. I drug my chair next to her bed and listened to her tiny whimpers. Rin's temperature had finally risen back to an acceptable level, but Yuna had told me she feared it would continue to climb into a fever. _She seemed certain that Rin would fall ill from this._

With a heavy heart, I turned to look at the large room that Rin inhabited. Almost every flat surface was covered in plants of any and every kind. _Why am I glad that she never grew out of her love for fauna? _Even as a girl, while traveling with himself, Ah-Un, and Jaken, Rin had to pick every flower she saw. I shocked myself when I felt a smile on my lips at the memory. The smile immediately fell when I looked back to see Rin's paler-than-usual face.

An angry voice began to hiss in my head. _She's a human. She's weak, and she'll die. You'll be alone again. Just like before._

Before I was sucked into the morbid thoughts, I cleared my head. _I'll find some way to make her live longer. Rin WILL NOT die under my protection._

I reached to feel Rin's forehead to check her temperature. Before my hand even touched her skin, I could tell she had a fever. _Dammit. Yuna was right._ I rose from my place by her side and stepped into the corridor. The servants had all begun to feel guilty for allowing Rin to go outside during the night, so they were more than happy to help when I ordered for one of the servants to fetch a bowl of cold water and a washcloth.

Yuna had been in and out of Rin's room all throughout the day. Usually, I wouldn't allow anyone to see me act like this. The great Sesshomaru, brought to worriedly pacing for a human girl? Preposterous. Yet, it was true. After giving up on my work, I took to pacing a trail around Rin's bed. Yuna bemusedly watched my laps around the bed. Finally she spoke up. "I hate that this is what it took to make her sleep, but I'm glad she is finally sleeping."

I froze. _What did she mean by that?_ I rounded on the servant. "What are you talking about?"

I watched Yuna's mouth drop open in horror, before she looked down, ashamed. "Rin hasn't been sleeping well since the night of her eighteenth birthday. I wanted to tell you, but she specifically forbade me from speaking of her night terrors. She has been waking during all hours of the night crying, for almost a month now."

I felt shocked, and ashamed. _Why haven't I noticed? _Then I was angry. _Why didn't she want me to know?!_ Before I could lash out, Yuna spoke again. "I think she was afraid that the nightmares weren't important enough to bother you with, Milord. She has been trying her best to avoid you so you wouldn't see that anything was wrong with her. I begged her to tell you, but she is just so headstrong and stubborn."

I felt as if I had been punched in the gut. _She thinks she isn't important._ Shame washed over me in waves. I was so shocked, Yuna could see the emotions plain as day on my face. "Milord, don't berate yourself. You couldn't have kno—"

I stood up so quickly that the chair I was sitting in toppled over behind me. "I should have! I'm supposed to protect her, and she thinks that she isn't important enough to tell me that she hasn't slept in a month!"

Yuna was just as shocked as I was at my outburst. She looked down at the ground. "Forgive me, milord. I don't mean to overstep my bounds."

I stared at her for a few moments, heavily breathing. Finally, I nodded at her. Yuna quickly left the room, leaving me alone with my thoughts. _Rin thinks that I don't care about her. _I was surprised at the clinching feeling in my heart at the thought of Rin's sadness. _What is this? Why do I feel this way? Is this what father felt, when he left mother and I? Do I love Rin? _The demon moved to the window and stared at the moon.

For years, ever since Rin began following him, the demon lord had been trying to understand _why_ he let the little human follow him. _Maybe it was because of the undying loyalty she's had for me, or the kindness she showed me when I showed her anything but. _As the years went by, he began to quit caring why and just accepted it. Now, as she lay there, sick and unconscious in her bed, the demon had an epiphany.

_I need her as much as she needed me, all those years ago._ At some point, Rin had wormed her way into the stoic demon's heart and burrowed down in it. _I want to be angry with her for it, but I can't be. _I let out a sigh, and stood the chair back up by Rin's side and took a seat to watch over the sick woman during the night. _At least her whimpering finally stopped._

* * *

_My head is pounding, and I want some water. _I went to sit up, and was shocked when my body did absolutely nothing. _What is wrong with me?!_ I cracked my eyes open and immediately clamped them back shut because of the bright morning light. This time, prepared for the brightness, I slowly opened my eyes and was shocked to see my room. _I fell asleep in the garden, I thought. _Then a brilliant smile covered my face. _I fell asleep!_

I turned my head to my right and let out a silent gasp at the sight. The powerful and mighty Lord Sesshomaru was slumped over, asleep, by my bed with a report in his hand. The sight would have been comical if it had been anyone but him. A small smile graced my lips as I watched him breathe deeply, in and out. I reached out slowly, shakily, and took the report out of his hands gently and sat it down on the bed beside me. My eyes widened when I felt an itching in my chest. _Oh no._

I began to cough a loud and painful cough. I watched my lord's eyes snap open. He was immediately by my side hovering over me, unsure of what to do. Finally, I stopped coughing and sent him a tired smile. When he didn't return it, I began to worry slightly. _Have I done something wrong?_

I didn't have to wait very long before he spoke. "Why didn't you tell me?" I could hear an angry undertone to his question.

My face paled. I knew what he was talking about immediately. I decided to lie. "Why didn't I tell you what, milord?"

_Bad move_. I could see Lord Sesshomaru's hands shaking as he looked at me with an icy glare. "Don't. Lie. To. Me."

I was shocked. _Lord Sesshomaru never gets angry with me. _I looked down and let out a sigh, realizing lying wasn't an option. I began to nervously rub my hands in my lap. "It wasn't important."

I could tell I said the wrong thing when I saw anger plainly on his face. "What gave you that idea? Do you think so lowly of this Sesshomaru that he wouldn't care if you hadn't slept in a month?" His question was said quietly, but with barely restrained growls.

Shock filled me. _Why is he so angry with me?_ "No! I just didn't want to bother you, milo—"

The demon cut me off with a snarl. "Stop calling me 'milord'. You've more than earned the right to address me by my given name."

I stared at him wide eyed. All I could do was nod my head. "Are you feeling well, Sesshomaru?" I felt weird saying his name by itself, but quickly got over it.

When he let out a bitter chuckle, I looked back up at him. I was shocked to see pain and sadness in his eyes before he looked down while shaking his head in disbelief. "You've been lying in this bed for a week fighting for your life, and you're asking if I'm alright."

My eyes widened. _A week? Fighting for my life?_ I said all I could. "What?"

Sesshomaru surprised me by looking away before answering. He told me from Jaken finding him and telling him that I was missing, up until he woke up to see me this morning. I could tell he was leaving something out, but I didn't push it.

I decided to change the subject, but before I could speak, Sesshomaru's glare rekindled itself and stopped me. _I guess there is something else on his mind?_ I wasn't disappointed when he let out a hiss that barely passed as a question. "Why were you in the garden at night? You're lucky that you didn't die! When this Sesshomaru found you, your lips were as blue as the kimono you were wearing."

I was amazed. _I think that's the most he has ever said to me in one sentence._ I thought carefully before answering. "I had a nightmare, and decided to walk around the palace and just happened to wind up at the garden. I honestly didn't mean to fall asleep there. I'm surprised I fell asleep at all. I'm sorry."

At my apology, his glare got even stronger, if that's even possible. "Don't apologize." His voice had a rough edge to it that I had never heard before. I wisely shut my mouth and just nodded.

Sesshomaru rose from his seat and looked as if he wanted to say something, but didn't. As he neared the entryway, he spoke. "Yuna will bring you food."

_What just happened?_

* * *

Days passed, then weeks. _No nightmares since I woke up from my sickness. _It had been two months since Rin had fallen ill, and a month since she had been back on her feet. Even though it had been such a long time ago, the woman's body was still a bit weak.

Rin had taken to walking around the castle as a way to strengthen her body. She pretended to not notice the two guards that followed her every step, too. Ever since being able enough to walk, someone was with her all of the time. Rin, being the social young woman she is, didn't mind the company at first. Two months of non-stop companionship, though, would wear anyone thin, even Rin.

Rin knew she shouldn't, but she had turned losing her shadows into a game. Sadly, it was surprisingly easy. _If Sesshomaru wants someone to look after me, he should do it._ Rin knew that he couldn't just drop everything to watch over her, and that he only had people with her for her own safety, but it was still annoying.

Rin had been complaining to Yuna about the guards a week after she noticed them, and Yuna finally caved and told her what happened during the week she was unconscious. Yuna had told Rin all about Sesshomaru's terrible mood and over-protectiveness. Rin was surprised when Yuna told her about Sesshomaru's angry outburst. Naturally, Yuna swore Rin to secrecy after telling everything to her, not wanting Lord Sesshomaru angry with her.

After learning of this new information, it made Rin realize that he cared for her a lot more than she thought. That still didn't make the annoying guards any better. _I'm sick of them! I've got to make him give me some privacy back!_

With that in mind, Rin marched towards his study. Moments before she arrived, Rin started doubting herself. _What am I going to say to him? Oh Kami. He probably already knows that I'm here!_ Before she could turn around and run, Rin heard the shoji open and was staring at Sesshomaru's boot-covered feet. Rin looked up to meet his steely gaze before he spoke. "Yes?"

Rin's mind went blank while staring into his eyes. Trying to save her dignity, she tried to shake the thought of his honey-colored eyes from her mind. "May I come in?"

He nodded and stepped back away from the door and headed back to his desk. Rin nervously slid the shoji back into place before taking a seat in front of his large desk. Knowing that he hated it when she beat around the bush, she cut to the chase. "I can't deal with the guards shadowing me. I need a little bit of privacy every now and again. Please call them off."

She saw his eyes widen a fraction before going back to normal. "No." He looked back down at the report he was reading and carried on with his work.

Rin could feel anger bubbling up in her. _How dare he just dismiss me! _Instead of replying to him, Rin angrily stood up. She made it to the door before stopping and speaking quietly. "You were angry with me because I didn't come talk to you. Well, now I see what I waste of time it would have been in the first place." Rin swept out of the room before she could get a reply.

* * *

Rin didn't see the shocked looked that passed over the demon lord's face, or the way his eyes flashed from honey to blood red and back again while she marched away. A deep growl began rumbling in his chest before he rose. _How dare she talk down to this Sesshomaru!_

Sesshomaru followed her scent back to the garden where he found Rin that night those few months ago. As he began towards her, he stopped dead in his tracks. Yuna was hugging Rin as she cried. The smell of her tears brought back the ache in his heart that plagued him the entirety of Rin's sickness. It took every bit of willpower in him to keep down the distressed whine building in the back of his throat.

Sesshomaru stayed close to the shadows in the garden. His reputation would be ruined if any of his servants found him spying on the two women, but he couldn't find the power to care at the moment. He inched closer, wanting to hear what the women were saying.

"… I don't know how to act around him! Sometimes he is so kind and listens to anything I have to say. Then he goes and does that! I'm beginning to think that I'm just prolonging the hurt by staying here." Sesshomaru's stomach fell. _She's thinking of leaving?_

Yuna shushed the crying girl. "Don't be rash. You wouldn't survive a day without him. I know you care too much to just abandon us. Can you imagine the bad mood that Lord Sesshomaru would be in? How could you leave us to deal with that?" The demon woman scolded in mock anger. Rin let out a little laugh. _I need to thank Yuna for helping Rin all of these years. _

Rin turned her head up to look at the soon-to-be-blossoming cherry tree above her. _She is beautiful, even with tears running down her face._ This isn't the first time he had come to this conclusion, and he wasn't the only one who thought so. She wasn't the most beautiful woman in all of Japan, but what made her so enthralling was her personality. There had been many marriage proposals, none of which made it to Rin. At the thought of another male touching his sweet Rin, Sesshomaru's blood would begin to boil. Finally, suitors got the hint and quit asking altogether.

Sesshomaru started when he saw her face crumple. Rin took in a shaky breath spoke. "Loving him is never going to be enough, is it Yuna? I'll never be enough for him. It would be best for both of us if I just left. This incident this afternoon made me realize that I'm just property to him." After a beat of silence, Rin spoke again. "Yuna. I've been here long enough. It's for the best if I leave. I'll go to Edo where InuYasha and Kagome live." The air was sucked from the demon lord's lungs. _She loves me, and she wants to leave, only to go straight to my half-brother and his mate? _Sesshomaru had heard enough.

Yuna had already stood, tears in her eyes, and shock written all over her face. "If you don't tell him, I will. He deserves to know that you love him."

_She is NOT leaving me._ "Yuna, that won't be necessary. This Sesshomaru heard everything. Thank you, you may go now."

I saw Rin's shoulders tighten, and then smelled more tears. Yuna smiled at me, bowed, and left us. I turned to look at the crying woman, and felt the now familiar clenching of my heart again. "Rin."

Rin ignored my presence and continued to cry, hiding her tears behind her mahogany locks. "Rin. Look at me."

Ever so slowly, Rin turned her head up to Sesshomaru. Sesshomaru knew that his face was showing every emotion he was feeling, but again couldn't care that she was seeing them. In the most neutral voice he could muster, the demon spoke. "Why do you want to leave this Sesshomaru, Rin?"

She looked at him in disbelief. He could easily read her. The pain swirling in her eyes pushed him to do what he never did before. He embraced Rin. Sesshomaru relished the new feeling. The only other person that had ever hugged him was his father, when Sesshomaru was still a pup.

The demon lord was brought back to present when he felt shaking hands gripping his haori tightly. He heard her take in a shuddering breath. "Why are you doing this to me?"

His heart clenched at her question. She sounded as if she had finally given up. _I can't see her like this. I'm ending this now. _"Because this Sess— Because I don't want the woman I love to leave me."

Rin stilled in his arms before slowly bringing her eyes up to meet his. Tears filled her eyes again. "Why do I have to wake up from dreams?"

_She thinks that she is dreaming. _"Rin. You are not dreaming. You are not sleeping."

Shock filled her face. "But… I'm human. You couldn't love me. You deserve a strong demoness, not some lowly and weak human!"

I growled. "I don't WANT a demoness. I want you as my mate. I want you to mother my pups. I love you."

Again, she looked down. "I could only give you a hanyou heir. I know how much you detest them."

I had become angry. "I will love them just as I love you. It doesn't matter if they are hanyou as long as you are their mother!" I fiercely spoke the words, knowing that they were true.

Tears finally spilled over. Rin launched herself onto me and cried into my neck. _I can finally comfort her, but why is she crying now?_

Rin began to sniffle. "I love you too." It was stupid, but I let out a breath that I didn't realize I had been holding when she replied. Instead of replying, I kissed her. Rin pulled back from the kiss after a few seconds. "I guess I'm staying, then?"

I growled. "You aren't leaving. Not now." _Does she still want to leave me?_

Rin giggled and my worries were put to ease as she rested her head on my chest as I held her. "I'm staying then."

* * *

Unbeknownst to the two in the garden, Yuna had been watching the whole thing with a huge grin. A few of the other servants were gaping at the sight in the garden, and begrudgingly handed over their money to Yuna.

A portly pig demon named Sadako that worked in the kitchen glowered at Yuna. "This isn't fair! You were always around the Lady! You cheater!"

Yuna just grinned at her. "Yes, but we were ALL around our Lord. You should have based your bet off of him, then."

The pig demon just grumbled some more, and forked over her bet. Yuna wasn't sure what she was more happy about: her best friend finally got with Lord Sesshomaru, or the fact that she had just won money from most of the servants in the palace!

Yuna looked out of the crack in the shoji that all of the servants were crowded around, and felt her face get hot. Before sliding the crack shut, she had but one thought in her mind: _you go little sister!_

* * *

AN: Whew! That was long for me. I hope you enjoyed it, and don't forget to _**FAVORITE AND REVIEW! **_

P.S. THE ENDING IS SUPPOSED TO BE FUNNY, BUT I DON'T THINK IT WAS FUNNY. I FAIL AT HUMOR.


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